I have been spending many many mornings in a toddler gymnastics class. One of the very few times in my life I spend with other women. Now please understand I want to like these women, I do, I try hard to find something I like about them. I want my child to be more social then I am so I try my best. I feel like these women are very transparent, I don't know what their first impression of me is, I am pretty much thinking it is something like BITCH. I don't think I am bitchy but I realize that I am blunt, and to the point and not everyone loves that. It does not help that my daughter is one of these kids that will tolerate other people but when everyone clears out of one side of the gym that is where she goes. She likes the space I guess, or the peace of not having people in her way. Can you blame her? I guess more to the point I just don't feel like I have anything at all in common with these women, other then we all have babies the same age, they all seem to be from a different planet then me.
I am not one of these real silly parents either. I am very relaxed at home but I don't feel like I need to look like an asshole in public for my child to have fun. The mother today was on the trampoline with her son and she was on all fours, acting like some kind of animal, all the mothers were looking at her strange. I know it is crazy but I expect my child to sit and eat in a restaurant, and I would never allow her to scream and fuss while other people are trying to enjoy their selves. Perhaps that is part of my submissive nature, that I just prefer to blend, and would rather be known for good character then good looks.
After gym class, we went to lunch, where there was a table of 4 people, 2 couples. And let me first say, I hope this does not come out soundling like i am a racist but I must say it. When they came in it was like instant chaos, the 2 black men, were seemingly harmless, not attractive, a little ghetto looking, and a their women were hit (meaning ugly). One was a tall average size black women with Huge Fake Hair, Fake Eyelashes I could see from across the room, and some trashy tits hanging out shirt that made me want to ask her to leave her coat on. The other women, was a black bbw, with like almost no hair, pulled pback in a rubber band, Not a hair band, but a rubber band. She was shy and self conscience, she carried herself with ZERO confidence, and coincidently her man was the most ghetto of the two looking like someone just paroled today. She probably thinks that is the best she can do.
I cant help but to pay attention to them, they are so captivating. They order drinks and 3 out of 4 send them back for something different. And 2 out of 3 say never mind just give me water. I see the waitress is a little put out now, I dont think they noticed. The tall woman and her man began to play with the cell phone and he jumps up yelling and laughing and grbbing the phone out of her hand, he falls into the booth behind him a little and then sits back down laughing. The girlfriend turns around and says "don't mind him he is not ok, we think he is bi polar" well you know that pissed me off. So then I started to look at them with more disgust then ever. I don't know what my point is here, I guess I am shocked that people, grown people can still act so stupid, in public no less.
I work with several women who are of this ghetto caliber, I have known them awhile and now i feel bad for them more then anything because I don't think they see any other way to live. I have been somewhat privileged in my life and had parents that taught me clearly what values were important (and monogamy was not one). I just amazes me how some people cant figure out that life can be more then what they make it.
Just needed to talk about that for a bit it was still bothering me.
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Friday, February 29, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Checking In
Been a 13 hour work day for me, and I am not used to such extended hours, but I am a little hyper this evening. D told me to call him today, but I did not. I would have been worried if he did not answer and I what if he had bad news to report... I would just like to go on believing everything is wonderful tonight. And I hope Saturday Night I will be with him again. My girlfriend seems to be in awe with me sometimes when I talk to her about D. She says " You really love him dont you", She asked me the other day if I love him or just his sex, a good question and one D has asked of me. I know it might be hard for everyone to believe, but if we never had sex again, I would love him and it would be enough just to be with him. Afterall that is how my marriage has become. My husband and I fucked like animals for years and then it was done. Maybe D take some pics when I see him... :)
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Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Quick Update
So I have been back to work for about 10 days now, and of course since I have went back there have been several very long days, early mornings (which I genreally do not do) and I am really beat. The emotional stress in the last 2 weeks has been a bit overwhelming and I am looking forward to some quiet time. I have spoken to D several times, and I am relieved to know he was not ignoring my calls, or angry with me, and I hope to see him this weekend. I hope the pic links worked correctly as I simple did not have the time to mess with them. Someone please tell me if it did not work, and maybe next time I will figure out this embedding in blog the CM keeps talking about.
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Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Disphoria
Masterluke said hello to me the other day. Nice to know he is still alive, but he never did say what happened to the blog. Something about that pisses me off. I know that I am selective with the people I allow in my life, and I think that is what upsets me the most about when I loose a relationship, is that I invest time and thought into it and it is gone. There are not many people I have known that I cant still call today and be like "whats up". I dont like to burn bridges, and I dont like loose people in my life that I liked enough to talk to for awhile, like enough to give my time to. Anyway, at leat Masterluke is still alive always a good thing.
I am very miserable tonight. Sad mostly I think, I am lonely. I need a hug, I need to lay in bed and be held, but that does not seem to be happening. I have actually called all three men tonight, D, L, and Young Boy, but it was not meant to be. D still has not called me since he was suppose to show up on the 14. I dont even know what to think about that as it is so out of character for him, I worry. I have been assured he is fine, that he is busy working, but that is not an acceptable reason for me. And we will have issue if he ever does call me again. I hate when I feel like this with him. I still thinks he doubts that I love him, I know he does. He always says, you dont love me you just love my dick. I love the dick but since I have first met him I have loved him. I miss him a lot this week. I think i have been just really worried so he has been on my mind like all the time. Ugh I need some mental cleansing.
I have cold case on... now i am crying it is so sad.
Talked to L tonight, it was nice. Sometimes I feel like I can not make him happy. Like I am not worthy. I have so many issues, my god I am definatly PMSing, I am so freaking hormonal tonight. God I hope my mind settles down soon...
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I am very miserable tonight. Sad mostly I think, I am lonely. I need a hug, I need to lay in bed and be held, but that does not seem to be happening. I have actually called all three men tonight, D, L, and Young Boy, but it was not meant to be. D still has not called me since he was suppose to show up on the 14. I dont even know what to think about that as it is so out of character for him, I worry. I have been assured he is fine, that he is busy working, but that is not an acceptable reason for me. And we will have issue if he ever does call me again. I hate when I feel like this with him. I still thinks he doubts that I love him, I know he does. He always says, you dont love me you just love my dick. I love the dick but since I have first met him I have loved him. I miss him a lot this week. I think i have been just really worried so he has been on my mind like all the time. Ugh I need some mental cleansing.
I have cold case on... now i am crying it is so sad.
Talked to L tonight, it was nice. Sometimes I feel like I can not make him happy. Like I am not worthy. I have so many issues, my god I am definatly PMSing, I am so freaking hormonal tonight. God I hope my mind settles down soon...
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Saturday, February 23, 2008
Insomnia
I have been unable to sleep for the last several days. I have taken sleeping pills and herbs, anti-histamines, I have tried everything short of a horse tranquilizers and I just can not get any sleep. Last night by body gave up about 3am, and was awake again by 7.
I know I am upset about D, as I still have not been able to contact him, and I am really moving to a new house, which was all initiate by my husband. It kind of feels nice to let my husband take control of this moving and choices , but at the same time I am a little afraid, as I worry about his decision making skills at times.
Last night I decided maybe I just need to cum. So about midnight I took out the trusty vibrator, and I picked up my phone to call L as he enjoys listening to these things, but I quickly lost my confidence and hung up the phone. I so wish I was not alone last night. I think I need some zen time and for me that only comes directly after getting fucked and my legs are still shaking.
So with a few minutes I came, and I felt no better, so I did it 12 more times. (Coincidently, Dr. Oz said on Oprah that only 15% of women are capable of multiple orgasms, I thought everyone did that). While I felt less frustrated my heart was still heavy with worries of D. I am about to start tracking him down. I don't want drive up North and scope him out, but I will. I just cant imagine him not calling me back if he was able, as he always does, even if it is just to ask if everything thing is ok.
So I am moving in about 3 weeks, and I am beginning to pack my life in to boxes. I am not overwhelmed with sadness, as this house has been a source of many arguments in my relationship with my husband. I don't feel like he was ever happy here, and we fought endlessly about the upgrades that the house needed. I think I will be glad to put this behind us.
I have still not had any luck uploading or even emailing my video clip so everyone can see/hear. it is 33k and right now it opens in quicktime, now I can change it to just about any kind of file, as I have this software I love taht does that , but to what? would that even help? how come it wont email? Is my connection just too slow?
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I know I am upset about D, as I still have not been able to contact him, and I am really moving to a new house, which was all initiate by my husband. It kind of feels nice to let my husband take control of this moving and choices , but at the same time I am a little afraid, as I worry about his decision making skills at times.
Last night I decided maybe I just need to cum. So about midnight I took out the trusty vibrator, and I picked up my phone to call L as he enjoys listening to these things, but I quickly lost my confidence and hung up the phone. I so wish I was not alone last night. I think I need some zen time and for me that only comes directly after getting fucked and my legs are still shaking.
So with a few minutes I came, and I felt no better, so I did it 12 more times. (Coincidently, Dr. Oz said on Oprah that only 15% of women are capable of multiple orgasms, I thought everyone did that). While I felt less frustrated my heart was still heavy with worries of D. I am about to start tracking him down. I don't want drive up North and scope him out, but I will. I just cant imagine him not calling me back if he was able, as he always does, even if it is just to ask if everything thing is ok.
So I am moving in about 3 weeks, and I am beginning to pack my life in to boxes. I am not overwhelmed with sadness, as this house has been a source of many arguments in my relationship with my husband. I don't feel like he was ever happy here, and we fought endlessly about the upgrades that the house needed. I think I will be glad to put this behind us.
I have still not had any luck uploading or even emailing my video clip so everyone can see/hear. it is 33k and right now it opens in quicktime, now I can change it to just about any kind of file, as I have this software I love taht does that , but to what? would that even help? how come it wont email? Is my connection just too slow?
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Thursday, February 21, 2008
M.I.A
So it has been one week since I spoke with D. That would never bother me most of the time, but as you may remember last week he was suppose to come down to see me on Thursday, and never showed up and never called, and has still never called. This is something out of character for him. He never says he is going to be somewhere and just not show up. So I began to worry and I have continued to worry. He wont answer his cell phone but when I call it only rings twice, not like 6 like usual. Anyhow mind is very focused on him right now. Then I began to think, is he mad at me? What could I have done? Has he spoken to someone who knows me, and knows what I have been up to. I am pretty upset, I cant sleep, I have butterflies in my stomach. I don't understand why he wont contact me. I am frankly getting worried. My friend reminded me that from time to time D needs some space ( a week or so with out contact) ok well that is one thing but when I call leaving an urgent message, he needs to call me back. I worry about him knowing about my other activities, and I feel guilty as ever, and say to myself now, I can never do that again, but I know temptation is too much for me.
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Monday, February 18, 2008
Working Girl
I have finally returned to work after 6 long weeks of resting my ankle. I already feel back to normal. I need that time out of the house and being something other then a mother, other then a wife, other then a whore. I am somewhat worried about D. He has not called me yet. It is very strange for him not to call me after this long. For his sake he better not be fucking with my head.
The other day when I saw L, he said to me, that when he called me, it was because he wanted to fuck me,not talk to me, just fuck me. I like that. Not only do I like that I am his outlet for fucking, but I don't think we mesh when we talk. I think the less I say the better. After I left him the other night, I got in the car so relaxed, you know in my moment of Zen. This is perhaps why I do not feel guilty about fucking married men. I feel like, just like with me, it makes me a better spouse to have such a blissful relaxing experience, and allows me to focus more clearer on my life. I assume that men feel the same way afterward. It is like a shot of happy.
L told me I could write about him, now which is why I am starting to share more. It is hard for me to write about event several days after they happen. My memory is not fantastic, I have might have been slapped in the face a little too hard, too many times. I perfer to get fucked and come home while I still smell like cum and relive it all again.
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The other day when I saw L, he said to me, that when he called me, it was because he wanted to fuck me,not talk to me, just fuck me. I like that. Not only do I like that I am his outlet for fucking, but I don't think we mesh when we talk. I think the less I say the better. After I left him the other night, I got in the car so relaxed, you know in my moment of Zen. This is perhaps why I do not feel guilty about fucking married men. I feel like, just like with me, it makes me a better spouse to have such a blissful relaxing experience, and allows me to focus more clearer on my life. I assume that men feel the same way afterward. It is like a shot of happy.
L told me I could write about him, now which is why I am starting to share more. It is hard for me to write about event several days after they happen. My memory is not fantastic, I have might have been slapped in the face a little too hard, too many times. I perfer to get fucked and come home while I still smell like cum and relive it all again.
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Sunday, February 17, 2008
Lets Call him L
I saw the guy from the other night (Last Friday to be exact). I need a nick name for him and I think I have decided on L. So his name will be L. To clarify, there is D, there is L, and there kind of is young boy.
So L and I have not really talked since last week, as he says he was feeling kind of bad that he was fucking me while his wife was at home. And while I totally think that is irrelevant, I never try to cause turmoil is someone's marriage. Some might argue with me on that point, but it is never my intention to sway a man from his wife. Although I am a very firm believer that monogamy is just not a realistic goal.
Anyhow the other night he said this to me
pinch your nipples for me
submissivegirl279: you sure you want to get that started tonight?
yes it makes me want to fuck u more
submissivegirl279: u torture yourself
submissivegirl279: u know that
no... because if u really get me honry i'll meet up with u again too fuck u
submissivegirl279: hmm i see
submissivegirl279: so if I got skillz I can get dick...
yesssss lol
submissivegirl279: Notice I am not laughing
well yes, you got me hard the last time u left that message on my phone... ever since then i wanted and couldn't wait to fuck u
submissivegirl279: anyway I dont like feel like I have to perform to get your dick - I feel like a circus animals begging for food
wow......
submissivegirl279: what i was just being honest
forget itttt............
submissivegirl279: oh here we go
It pissed me off because like I said I do not want to have to feel like I have to perform or work for sexual satisfaction. I have learned that when you play that game with Dom Type Men you always loose because as soon as you do what is requested they continue to make their requests more daring, more taboo, more difficult to complete, and before you fucking know it you have lost sight of who that fuck you are and what the fuck you are doing with this man. Some Doms are just trying to see how far they can make you go (How far can I push the slut before she cracks) This was the cops problem. No matter what I did it was never good enough. A person can not thrive on that.
Moving on today, I get a text message, it was L. He asked me if I wanted some. I was like hell yes, and this particular day was very STRESSFUL for me so he could not have texted me at a better time. We met and decided where we would go. He gave me money to get the room. There is something so powerful about money and sex. It felt weird taking the money, even though I knew I was going to get the room for us, just kind of made it a little more real ( i am having a hard time articulating this) but as I took it I felt more in service to him, he appeared more Dom, like a provider. I know that was a bad explanation but it was a new experience for me and I am surprised how very simple things make me feel so much.
He had asked me to wear a dress/skirt. This stresses me. I have turned down sex more then once because I did not want to be bothered with the dressing up shit. I like sex to be sweaty and rough, do I need a skirt or sexy panties for that? I realize I have a strong aversion to this kind of dressing seductively or even slutty. Does it matter what the slut wears if she is still willing to bend over the back of your truck and get fucked behind a building, so what she has sneakers on... you want good traction don't you?
Anyhow we get the room, we go in. We are in somewhat of a hurry and I am being a little bit disobedient, mainly because he pissed me off the other day, and I am not all that in to making him happy just yet. I am still angry about our conversation. I start licking his dick, per his request. I dont remember what was happening, it went really fast, but I have a problem understanding accents when I can like really listen to the person, and with my mouth on his dick, i cant hear him... He was pulling my hair and I was thinking to myself hmm, this is nice. It made me want to misbehave a little see I cant get him to really hurt me, but I think I should wait on that, I dont think we read each other very well yet. If we did we would not argue so much. I remember him telling me to get on the bed and I do what he asks, and the dick sliding in my pussy. It is nice, He kept telling me to put my head down, and ass up, I like that too. But that best is when I am on my back and he looks right at me. Looks right at me and calls me a dirty slut (or something like that). It is very intense for me, I had to look away. I start to feel embarrassed by myself. L is very good at talking to me while fucking me. I cant remember what he said, but he said something and I felt myself spreading my legs wider, I want him in deeper, and further, I wanted him to own that pussy, I was like,,,, It is yours (in my head of course). I could see him fucking me from behind in the mirror.. that is nice to watch his face. I want a video tape of this stuff. I did not bring my camera, but I am not all that sure how much he is interested in that. Sometimes pics are distracting. Anyhow, while he is fucking me I am like, I want this man to fist me, and piss on me, and come on me. It is a spectacular feeling to want to give your body to someone. I just needed him to use me. He did not fist me or piss on me (not that I asked, and not that we had a lot of time) but he did come all over my ass. He comes a lot too.
My birthday is tomorrow, what a lovely early birthday present. Next year I will be 30... a little sad, was thinking I might want a nice gang bang. 30 guys for 30 years lol I think that might be too ambitious... Just a fun though... I am going to bed. My thoughts are not coming easily tonight, nothing seems to be coming out the way I want it too... Catch you all tomorrow.
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So L and I have not really talked since last week, as he says he was feeling kind of bad that he was fucking me while his wife was at home. And while I totally think that is irrelevant, I never try to cause turmoil is someone's marriage. Some might argue with me on that point, but it is never my intention to sway a man from his wife. Although I am a very firm believer that monogamy is just not a realistic goal.
Anyhow the other night he said this to me
pinch your nipples for me
submissivegirl279: you sure you want to get that started tonight?
yes it makes me want to fuck u more
submissivegirl279: u torture yourself
submissivegirl279: u know that
no... because if u really get me honry i'll meet up with u again too fuck u
submissivegirl279: hmm i see
submissivegirl279: so if I got skillz I can get dick...
yesssss lol
submissivegirl279: Notice I am not laughing
well yes, you got me hard the last time u left that message on my phone... ever since then i wanted and couldn't wait to fuck u
submissivegirl279: anyway I dont like feel like I have to perform to get your dick - I feel like a circus animals begging for food
wow......
submissivegirl279: what i was just being honest
forget itttt............
submissivegirl279: oh here we go
It pissed me off because like I said I do not want to have to feel like I have to perform or work for sexual satisfaction. I have learned that when you play that game with Dom Type Men you always loose because as soon as you do what is requested they continue to make their requests more daring, more taboo, more difficult to complete, and before you fucking know it you have lost sight of who that fuck you are and what the fuck you are doing with this man. Some Doms are just trying to see how far they can make you go (How far can I push the slut before she cracks) This was the cops problem. No matter what I did it was never good enough. A person can not thrive on that.
Moving on today, I get a text message, it was L. He asked me if I wanted some. I was like hell yes, and this particular day was very STRESSFUL for me so he could not have texted me at a better time. We met and decided where we would go. He gave me money to get the room. There is something so powerful about money and sex. It felt weird taking the money, even though I knew I was going to get the room for us, just kind of made it a little more real ( i am having a hard time articulating this) but as I took it I felt more in service to him, he appeared more Dom, like a provider. I know that was a bad explanation but it was a new experience for me and I am surprised how very simple things make me feel so much.
He had asked me to wear a dress/skirt. This stresses me. I have turned down sex more then once because I did not want to be bothered with the dressing up shit. I like sex to be sweaty and rough, do I need a skirt or sexy panties for that? I realize I have a strong aversion to this kind of dressing seductively or even slutty. Does it matter what the slut wears if she is still willing to bend over the back of your truck and get fucked behind a building, so what she has sneakers on... you want good traction don't you?
Anyhow we get the room, we go in. We are in somewhat of a hurry and I am being a little bit disobedient, mainly because he pissed me off the other day, and I am not all that in to making him happy just yet. I am still angry about our conversation. I start licking his dick, per his request. I dont remember what was happening, it went really fast, but I have a problem understanding accents when I can like really listen to the person, and with my mouth on his dick, i cant hear him... He was pulling my hair and I was thinking to myself hmm, this is nice. It made me want to misbehave a little see I cant get him to really hurt me, but I think I should wait on that, I dont think we read each other very well yet. If we did we would not argue so much. I remember him telling me to get on the bed and I do what he asks, and the dick sliding in my pussy. It is nice, He kept telling me to put my head down, and ass up, I like that too. But that best is when I am on my back and he looks right at me. Looks right at me and calls me a dirty slut (or something like that). It is very intense for me, I had to look away. I start to feel embarrassed by myself. L is very good at talking to me while fucking me. I cant remember what he said, but he said something and I felt myself spreading my legs wider, I want him in deeper, and further, I wanted him to own that pussy, I was like,,,, It is yours (in my head of course). I could see him fucking me from behind in the mirror.. that is nice to watch his face. I want a video tape of this stuff. I did not bring my camera, but I am not all that sure how much he is interested in that. Sometimes pics are distracting. Anyhow, while he is fucking me I am like, I want this man to fist me, and piss on me, and come on me. It is a spectacular feeling to want to give your body to someone. I just needed him to use me. He did not fist me or piss on me (not that I asked, and not that we had a lot of time) but he did come all over my ass. He comes a lot too.
My birthday is tomorrow, what a lovely early birthday present. Next year I will be 30... a little sad, was thinking I might want a nice gang bang. 30 guys for 30 years lol I think that might be too ambitious... Just a fun though... I am going to bed. My thoughts are not coming easily tonight, nothing seems to be coming out the way I want it too... Catch you all tomorrow.
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Friday, February 15, 2008
UnOrganized Thoughts
D never made it down here last night, I can not say I am surprised. While I love him, I realize he is not the most reliable person. I would have been fine with being alone, if I had the opportunity took fuck him some more the night before, I really was not done with him. I still have the same sheets on my bed, because they still smell like him. I love it.
I am trying to convince D to let me make a dildo for myself using his dick as the mold, they have this kit where you can do it. I said that way I can get your dick in my ass, and your dick in my pussy at the same time, and I can have your dick when you can not make it down here. He wont do it. He is so finicky sometimes.
The argument we had the other night was about raising my child. We go back and fourth with this shit, he likes to tell me what to do with her. I am clear that if he would like to be a parent then he will need to be a parent, no judging what I am doing with her, if you never do anything with her. He really pissed me off and while I know he comes from a place of wanting to do what's best and he thinks he is giving me the gospel when he tells me what to do but something out just does not sit well with me. Sometimes I feel like really hurting his feelings and saying some very mean things to him when we talk about our daughter.
When I got pregnant, I remember D going into my room, and sitting on my bed reading my diary. (Yes I keep a diary) and in it were all the recounts of all the good sex D and I how blissful he made me, and how he devastated me, and how I felt about being pregnant and all of that . It was like 3 years of intense feelings. He read a lot of it, and I laid there watching him. I did have a point to that, but I can not remember it right now, I kinda just got lost there a minute...
I am so horny right now, I am hoping to get some dick tomorrow or something. I really need it. I am super hyper talking fast, and thinking fast, and I was some fast hard fucking.
My husband returns home tonight, Thank God. I am so not cut out to be a single parent or a single women. I need someone in my bed every night even if I am not fucking him.
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Thursday, February 14, 2008
One More Thing
When D left I went to lay down to get some sleep, but I still need to cum some more. I had to turn on the Wyclef and break out the magic wand. Again and hour later I had to pull the plug. Some times there just can never be enough fucking. Sometimes I need to fuck and cum until I just pass out from exhaustion. There has been many a night D has left my house, with me in my bed fucking myself, simply because he ran out of time and I still needed some more. And sometimes I just need that vibrator. I like that his is such a good sport about it. He just smiles and says "Your not Right Katlyn"
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Making Love
I wrote this about 6pm...
Okay I am like beyond bored tonight. I called D of course to see if he will be able to make it down here tonight. He is not sure yet... which means... I will keep putting off giving you an answer and tell you I cant come when it is too late for you to call someone else to fuck my pussy. I have played this game before and I am sure he can tell by my tone of voice I am in need. I am lonely, like lonely at this point I would take someone just coming over to talk to me. I miss my husband,I miss free time, and I need some company.
I call D about 7pm and 8pm. The second call he answered and he started to say "tomorrow looks like a better day", so I immediately start crying. Not hard, not sobbing, but some real tears were dripping off my cheeks. I was devastated and I could hardly contain my feelings. He said out of the blue, "I can be there by 10" and I said yes with my cracking my voice. And he arrived about twenty after 10.
He walked in the front door, I was in bed watching TV. He came in the bedroom, undressed and climbed into bed with me. Oh his scent was intoxicating. I move my mouth down to his cock and begin to make love to it. I am in love with this man. I listen to him moan as he enjoys my mouth on his dick and I love giving him the pleasure. I love it. He was rubbing my ass (he does not mind my very plain cotton panties, which I think are sexy and get a bad rap). Before long he is fingering my pussy and I have had enough I want the dick. And I can not multi task, I can suck dick of get fingered but not both at the same time. It is like sensation overload for me.
He gets up and I know how he wants me, face down ass up, I feel his hard dick rubbing my clit and the tip going in and out of my pussy. It felt like it had gotten bigger, he slid it in and it was tight fit. I love that feeling. It barely feels like it is going to fit and there is this incredible sensation that your pussy is completely filled, it had reached maximum capacity and it was GLORIOUS, I began to have my first orgasm. The bad things is after the first fuck, that filled up filling is not quite so intense... you know muscles relax after all the orgasms.
He asked me if I wanted my ass fucked and I did not answer. I went to touch my pussy while he fucked it, something he hates when i do. I just love to touch it though. He said if you touch it again, I am going right in that ass. So I was very aware about that for a long time like 20 minutes. But when he spread my legs and laid kind of of sideways on them, to keep the spread I lost it. I was grabbing his ass at first but soon enough, my hands were on my pussy. And in and instant that dick was in my ass.
I was shocked he meant what he said, because usually i can whine and squirm out of it for a while, but it felt good. He turned me on my stomach and fucked my ass and whispers in my ear while clutching my tits. It was fantastic, I loved to look at his dark hand on my white breasts, that still turns me on, just seeing that.
He came in my ass and we fell asleep. I laid my head on his chest and his hand was on my back, I just loved him and told him that i missed him and begged in to move back down my way. He said he has got to go where the work is. I just held him and took every second in.
Now I am a active sleeper, I move a lot, but when he holds me i could lay there forever in whatever position it is. After about an hour I sneezed and woke him up and he grabbed me and pulled me closer to him my face is in his chest now my bare breast on his stomach, our legs intertwined. I just can not tell you how much my body need this touch. We slept.
When he awoke we started to talk, and then argue, after a heated argument about raising children, we talked some more and made love again. I went to use the bathroom and when I came back he was putting on his underwear, I said I am not done with you! He smiled a little and said he has got to go, he has to be to work and take his kids to school in hte morning. (His other kids). He said he will be back here tonight. I hope so.
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Tuesday, February 12, 2008
The Rules
I am feeling more and more frustrated with men as the days go by. I am going to go back to having my girl fuck me, at least she knows what I am looking for, or shit I can just fuck myself. I do Refer a lot of people to my blog, it is an easy way for people to get to know me with out me having to invest a lot of time (something I don't have much of). So I feel like I have become a broken record though - no one really seems to understand what is is I am wanting. So let me break it down, one more time.
1. I am like 4 different people rolled into one. I tend to fade in and out of personalities every few days. It is who I am and those who know and love have learned to deal with it and even enjoy it. I have called it a mental illness in the past, but I am feeling like this is more just who I am. I focus my energy in different areas at a time instead of spreading my focus on several things at once. So things, all things, are more intense. This is why one week I will be ready to have my very own 20 big black cock gang bang and the next I am tree hugging sexless intellectual.
2. I do not want to fuck unless I am fairly certain I will have a good time, and I have to have something other then a promise of a good dick. If the dick sucks then at least you better be able to entertain me for a few minutes. As I have less time less free time in my life I more selective about who I am willing to give my time to. I am starting to question my "submissiveness" but again I am reminded that I do love to be Dominated just want quality not quantity. (Oh I feel like I have grown up...it is not a good feeling).
3 Dont ask me to participate in phone sex, web cam sex, or IM sex. It is not fun AT ALL for me, and I do not have the desire to get you off while I sit her unaroused and unsatisfied. I am done sending pics to anyone, I hope to have some links to pics soon and that will be the end of it.
4. You make me wonder if you beg, plead, and berate me in to meeting you, exchanging pic with you, or talking to you. I am looking for sex, just sex. I do not want to be the center of anyone's time, attention or god forbid life. I will get to you when I get to you, and I expect nothing diffirent in return.
5. If you read my blog, my profile, myspace page, and of the hundreds of place I have it posted, you know what I like and what i am into. Stop asking me if "will you do anal"? I have done it, and I like it, but not everyone is fucking my ass, because it does take a different skill set then fucking my pussy.
6. I like a lot of different things but to be clear I do not wish to pop balloons for you while you cum, I do not want to dress up as a nurse, a schoolgirl, a teacher, or anything else. Costumes are for Halloween not for fucking. I don't want to step on bugs to make you come, I don't want to fuck on your bed where you and your wife sleep, I do not want to fuck in your childs bedroom, I don't want to choke you, tie you up, slap you or hurt you. (I like to be submissive, hence, I need a Dom).I don't want to shit on you, or be shit on. Nope were not drinking, not smoking, and I am not going to play with needles or blood so you can get off. I don't want to fuck animals or touch them. Of course anyone underage is most certainly out of the question. Oh yeah one more thing, if you want 2 women, go find another one yourself!
Now if you still want to fuck me after reading that, then hit me up on yahoo messenger @ submissivegirl279.
That was a little bitchy I know but I am really pissy today. I have met many nice guys I do hope fuck sooner or later, and my intention is not to scare them off.
For the record I miss MasterLuke, I still have yet to find out what happened to him. If he got bored or went missing. I just don't know. I hate that. I am all alone tonight, this dam ice outside is crazy, nobody is coming to see me in this weather:(
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1. I am like 4 different people rolled into one. I tend to fade in and out of personalities every few days. It is who I am and those who know and love have learned to deal with it and even enjoy it. I have called it a mental illness in the past, but I am feeling like this is more just who I am. I focus my energy in different areas at a time instead of spreading my focus on several things at once. So things, all things, are more intense. This is why one week I will be ready to have my very own 20 big black cock gang bang and the next I am tree hugging sexless intellectual.
2. I do not want to fuck unless I am fairly certain I will have a good time, and I have to have something other then a promise of a good dick. If the dick sucks then at least you better be able to entertain me for a few minutes. As I have less time less free time in my life I more selective about who I am willing to give my time to. I am starting to question my "submissiveness" but again I am reminded that I do love to be Dominated just want quality not quantity. (Oh I feel like I have grown up...it is not a good feeling).
3 Dont ask me to participate in phone sex, web cam sex, or IM sex. It is not fun AT ALL for me, and I do not have the desire to get you off while I sit her unaroused and unsatisfied. I am done sending pics to anyone, I hope to have some links to pics soon and that will be the end of it.
4. You make me wonder if you beg, plead, and berate me in to meeting you, exchanging pic with you, or talking to you. I am looking for sex, just sex. I do not want to be the center of anyone's time, attention or god forbid life. I will get to you when I get to you, and I expect nothing diffirent in return.
5. If you read my blog, my profile, myspace page, and of the hundreds of place I have it posted, you know what I like and what i am into. Stop asking me if "will you do anal"? I have done it, and I like it, but not everyone is fucking my ass, because it does take a different skill set then fucking my pussy.
6. I like a lot of different things but to be clear I do not wish to pop balloons for you while you cum, I do not want to dress up as a nurse, a schoolgirl, a teacher, or anything else. Costumes are for Halloween not for fucking. I don't want to step on bugs to make you come, I don't want to fuck on your bed where you and your wife sleep, I do not want to fuck in your childs bedroom, I don't want to choke you, tie you up, slap you or hurt you. (I like to be submissive, hence, I need a Dom).I don't want to shit on you, or be shit on. Nope were not drinking, not smoking, and I am not going to play with needles or blood so you can get off. I don't want to fuck animals or touch them. Of course anyone underage is most certainly out of the question. Oh yeah one more thing, if you want 2 women, go find another one yourself!
Now if you still want to fuck me after reading that, then hit me up on yahoo messenger @ submissivegirl279.
That was a little bitchy I know but I am really pissy today. I have met many nice guys I do hope fuck sooner or later, and my intention is not to scare them off.
For the record I miss MasterLuke, I still have yet to find out what happened to him. If he got bored or went missing. I just don't know. I hate that. I am all alone tonight, this dam ice outside is crazy, nobody is coming to see me in this weather:(
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Monday, February 11, 2008
My Biggest Problem
I have not spoken to the guy from Friday, except for one short conversation that pretty much ended with that was fantastic, but we cant do it again. I don't want to go into all the details, but despite whatever he says, it has got to be me. Right? That is where I go, he could have said, he is going to be a celibate monk, and I would have said to myself (Come On you could have fucked him better), he could have said his dick got cut off (and to myself I would think well if he was into it he would be fucking me with his fist). I hate that insecurity, I hate it a lot. It is not who I am, but it creeps up a lot when I want something and I can not have it. I am just not used to not having what want - something D calls my "biggest problem". Ok so where is the dick count now... umm am I back at 1 again??? What the fuck!
I actually have found myself attractive to 2 specific white guys. Which is crazy because I really have not given a white guy a second look in like 10 years +. One is my doctor for my sprained ankle. He has long hair and looks kind of mountain man meets j crew. Then the second is this guy that left me a message on OBC. There was just something I liked about him. Hard to explain. I feel like white men are different then black men, but when I think hard on that I really cant come up with any reasons to back that up. Perhaps I have been missing out by not looking at white men...
I have been trying to upload video files to have a link posted but it wont work... so I am going to try to edit down to make smaller and try sending again...
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I actually have found myself attractive to 2 specific white guys. Which is crazy because I really have not given a white guy a second look in like 10 years +. One is my doctor for my sprained ankle. He has long hair and looks kind of mountain man meets j crew. Then the second is this guy that left me a message on OBC. There was just something I liked about him. Hard to explain. I feel like white men are different then black men, but when I think hard on that I really cant come up with any reasons to back that up. Perhaps I have been missing out by not looking at white men...
I have been trying to upload video files to have a link posted but it wont work... so I am going to try to edit down to make smaller and try sending again...
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Saturday, February 9, 2008
Whore
So I have yet to get in touch with him, to ask if he would mind me sharing some of the details of last night. I will have to proceede with out his okay. I am dying to talk about it, I tried to call my girl but she has been unavailable for that kind of talk. So anyway I have been wanting him all week. It seems like in the last week we have begun to mesh a little bit better and our conversations did not always end abruptly. I was just really into him. So we try to hook up but shit happened, and then I had trouble getting in touch with him all day. So he called me on Friday, and I was happy to ask him if he was able to see me.
Everything was lining up perfectly, I had someone to watch my child, he had some free time so we met at a local motel. I am nervous again. Seems silly to me to still be so nervous, I am biting all my fingernails off on the drive there, but I guess if I ever go to meet someone and do not have some excitement or nervousness why bother. He moves things right along for me . The second I get some instruction I feel so contented. I feel totally at peace when being told what to do, not that can easily do what is asked of me, but it is good to have some expectation.
Since I unfortunately do not a pic to accompany my story and since I dont think he would like all the details posted, I will leave at I had a very nice time. As we are leaving he he pulls up next to my car and hands me some money ( We agree to split the cost of the room) and say "Here you go, Whore". That was fantastic for me. Hard to explain exactly how that made me feel as he looked right at me and said it but it was so right on time. I loved it.
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Friday, February 8, 2008
Relaxed
So I am in my orgasmic bliss this evening. I just returned from a fabulous encounter, not with D. And the man I saw has asked me not to comment on our activies on the blog. I understand that but I am not quite sure I can follow his directions tonight. I think I will refrain from the intense details of tonight unless of course he tells me it is ok, and I am really quite tired and wont be able to properly give you a visual of what took place.
I need to talk about a man's orgasam for a minute. I am slightly jealous of men in that respect. For women (or at least me) there are many diffirent kinds of orgasms all diffirent feeling they create. Some are more satisfying then others, there are orgasms and then there are ORAGASMS ! I love the way men sound and look when the cum. It is like total bliss for them and you can just see it, I love it. There is no, that was a good one but not the one. So I do wish I had that too.
I need to talk about a man's orgasam for a minute. I am slightly jealous of men in that respect. For women (or at least me) there are many diffirent kinds of orgasms all diffirent feeling they create. Some are more satisfying then others, there are orgasms and then there are ORAGASMS ! I love the way men sound and look when the cum. It is like total bliss for them and you can just see it, I love it. There is no, that was a good one but not the one. So I do wish I had that too.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Marital Stress
Yesterday I was very excited. I was going to meet someone for an early evening encounter, but it did not work out. I was very excited and the excitement lasted a very long time, which has not been happening to me lately. It was the feeling of needed to be used, and fucked, and abused and humiliated. I wanted the dick so bad, I wanted in my mouth and in my face. So this morning I wake up and the feeling is gone. I work out in the yard ALL day, raking leaves, picking up sticks and now I am like physical wiped out. My arms ach, and my mind is sharp my body has had enough. And just so you don't think I am a great big wimp, we took away 12 truckloads of packed wet leaves, and have huge pile of sticks.
I have been home with my husband, and we are fighting a lot, more like arguing but he is so frustrating to me. He says I control him, which is irritating to me. I do control him, but not because I want to because I think he needs me to. If I don't tell him what to do or what we are doing, nothing gets done, choices do not get made, everything just lingers. Even when we talk about buying a new house, the real estate guy keeps leaving messages, and he never calls back, he just looses interest or something. I don't want to control him but sometimes in matters of finances ,home ownership and improvement I feel like he does not know as much as I do. Of course he and I grew up RADICALLY different, he always says I grew up with silver spoon in my mouth. We were not rich growing up, middle class, like everyone else I knew, and my parents worked a lot, but they were supportive and loving. His parents, I never cared for and were not very good parents, but he does not see that.
I tell my husband all the time, you get what you put out. He has such negative energy, and zero people skills. I don't think he was this bad when I met him but perhaps love and giant dick blinded me. When I met him he was homeless and just got off a bus from Kentucky where his first marriage ended with her getting everything and destroying everything he owned. In 10 years he has built his life all over again, but he is so angry inside and just cant let it go.
Ugh, he is stressing me tonight. Anyhow I have been a big sissy and afraid to forward the videos and post so they could be posted. I feel so far away from that whole thing, but I will send them, soon.
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I have been home with my husband, and we are fighting a lot, more like arguing but he is so frustrating to me. He says I control him, which is irritating to me. I do control him, but not because I want to because I think he needs me to. If I don't tell him what to do or what we are doing, nothing gets done, choices do not get made, everything just lingers. Even when we talk about buying a new house, the real estate guy keeps leaving messages, and he never calls back, he just looses interest or something. I don't want to control him but sometimes in matters of finances ,home ownership and improvement I feel like he does not know as much as I do. Of course he and I grew up RADICALLY different, he always says I grew up with silver spoon in my mouth. We were not rich growing up, middle class, like everyone else I knew, and my parents worked a lot, but they were supportive and loving. His parents, I never cared for and were not very good parents, but he does not see that.
I tell my husband all the time, you get what you put out. He has such negative energy, and zero people skills. I don't think he was this bad when I met him but perhaps love and giant dick blinded me. When I met him he was homeless and just got off a bus from Kentucky where his first marriage ended with her getting everything and destroying everything he owned. In 10 years he has built his life all over again, but he is so angry inside and just cant let it go.
Ugh, he is stressing me tonight. Anyhow I have been a big sissy and afraid to forward the videos and post so they could be posted. I feel so far away from that whole thing, but I will send them, soon.
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Monday, February 4, 2008
Free Time
I had some free time yesterday, house to myself, no baby and of course I have my period. So I take the time to spend sometime all by myself. I get in the car and I turn on Wyclef, and I am actually moved to tears by the feeling freedom. I am saddened by the fact that I can never get alone time when i need it, and the only reason I have some free time today is because I begged my mother to help me, and even with that she hesitated, and wanted to know what I am doing first, before she said yes. Yesterday and still today I am at my wits end with parenting. I feel like I am all alone in this, my husband has been workng so much and now he is sick so he still is doing nothing to help me, and even as I write this I feel myself just totally blocking out everything going on around me. I really cant take it anymore. I need to go back to work, I need some sanity back in my life. I could cry right now, I just dont know how people do this all the time.
So while I am out alone the other day, I hate it. I feel like people are looking at me, since there is no child there to distract peoples eyes. I feel very insecure all of a sudden. I cant even flirt with people and when men give me the look, I find myself looking away almost afraid to do the back and fourth with anyone.
I even feel like I have lost my game when it comes to meeting new people. I used to like it, be comfortable with it but now I feel slightly overwhelmed and hesiatate to get it started. And then there is the STD issue. I am very happy fucking D with no condom and it makes it better, but everyone else needs to have condoms end of story. Lets face it condoms are not that much fun, but you have some stupid people who try to fuck around and take the condom off (you know just for a minute baby). Who can be bothered? Then there is the people to who want me to be the girl they have never had, who want to tie me up and whip me becuase I am willing yet have Zero experience with BDSM. Fuck No! I am not going be the first one to do that with you, and have you seriously hurt me and or piss me off. I will save that for the young girl, like i used to be coming into this lifestyle stupid and horny.
I hope to get some dick this week. Like hope and pray to get some this week. And I am getting the videos posted soon. They will be linked rather then posted, there are some issue with posting "offensive material" on this site
So while I am out alone the other day, I hate it. I feel like people are looking at me, since there is no child there to distract peoples eyes. I feel very insecure all of a sudden. I cant even flirt with people and when men give me the look, I find myself looking away almost afraid to do the back and fourth with anyone.
I even feel like I have lost my game when it comes to meeting new people. I used to like it, be comfortable with it but now I feel slightly overwhelmed and hesiatate to get it started. And then there is the STD issue. I am very happy fucking D with no condom and it makes it better, but everyone else needs to have condoms end of story. Lets face it condoms are not that much fun, but you have some stupid people who try to fuck around and take the condom off (you know just for a minute baby). Who can be bothered? Then there is the people to who want me to be the girl they have never had, who want to tie me up and whip me becuase I am willing yet have Zero experience with BDSM. Fuck No! I am not going be the first one to do that with you, and have you seriously hurt me and or piss me off. I will save that for the young girl, like i used to be coming into this lifestyle stupid and horny.
I hope to get some dick this week. Like hope and pray to get some this week. And I am getting the videos posted soon. They will be linked rather then posted, there are some issue with posting "offensive material" on this site
Friday, February 1, 2008
Face Turned Red
I started to look through the old pics I found the other day. I found these clips of D fucking my ass. It is super close up and he goes in an out of what you want to see (he hates messing with a camera when he is trying fuck), but the audio is unbelievable. Everytime I hear myself getting fucked I am a little taken back about how free I am, how loud I am and much I enjoy myself. I was actually embrassed that I shut off the clip off, and my face turned red (Incidently I was sitting in my house all alone while I was watching it).
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