I work with a friend of mine. We only work together 10 hours a week. We used to work together 30 hours a week. She is someone who has been interested in a sexual relationship. And we tried that, and I do not care to try that again. Today at work we got into this huge arguement. Let me just sufice it to say I have not been this angry for such a long time in a long time. I am pissed and feel like I can not even be bothered with any of it. I could not care less about anyone or anything right now. Fuck her, because when she gets pissed off there is no reasoning with her.
 
My kid has taken me to a whole new level of stress, I dont know what her problem is but I know I can not continue at this pace. I drop her off at my Moms each and every day and my mom says what is wrong and I say " I have nothing left to give" with tears in my eyes. I truley have nothing left to give. Nothing AT ALL. I am Mentally exhausted. Like Seriously can not take another second of anything. I am starting to believe that perhaps I was not cut out to be a mother or whatever. I know  I need a break. I need a serious vacation and alone time.
 
Not too mention money. I worry, probably unnecessarily about money all the time. I worry about paying my mortage and paying for gas and still being able to live.

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Good Job Baby

I have been using my old house (the unsold one) as my own personal motel. I figure I should get my moneys worth since I am still paying for it. So D came over to help me with some drywall work there. I watch him work which definitely turns me on. He has me standing there like his helper, I get him everything he needs as he tries to teach me about what he is doing.
 
I go into the house for a few minutes to take down some lingering curtains, and he comes in the house and undoes his pants with that get on your knees look on his face. I take my place happily sucking his dick. It happens just like it always does, but I must brag about a small personal victory.
 
D is in love with my ass. Like he is so in love with it, I swear it is the very reason we have bee seeing each other for so long. Anyhow since the beginning of this he has wanted me to bend over and fuck my ass which sounds easy enough but is not the best position at least not for me, but as he pleas he needs to see his dick going in and out of my ass. I am proud to report that for the first time ever I not only let him put in my ass while I am on my knees with my face pressed down into the couch, I was able to let him fuck my ass, like really fuck it. In fact after about twenty minutes of full force body slapping ass fucking I could not take it anymore. It was not   pain - more like just overwhelmed with sensations. I have a hard time with that with anal sex. It is so intense it is hard to function, like i forget to breath. THat is crazy. So I collapsed and he pulled me up and said " You did good" as he assisted me to a lying down posistion to fuck me. That was my big triumph.
 
There is not greater comfort for me then to be told that I have been a GOOD Girl!

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Should this be this hard?

I thought this posted like 2 weeks ago but it never did.
 
 
Tonight I feel like I have one foot in the fucking lock down ward of Ancora. I am anxious and uncomfortable in my own skin. I am obsessing over ridiculous things, like economic health of this country and how will I ever afford to raise my daugther in the coming times. I am overcome with agaitaation, so much so I canceled a meeting with D tonight, as I knew I would not have enough self control to not flip out and I would never enjoy myself as hard as I tried.
 
I could not finish my thoughts last night as the baby was as my heels screaming and my husband miserable complaining about his own lack of sleep. This morning is feeling a little better. I desperately need a long shower, but other then that I feel like I will be able to make it through the day.
Does everyone have these issues?
 
 

 
 

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The First Visit

D came to my new house last night. He walks around and critiques my house with a parental tone (I'll come over and fix that for you, You need to make sure . . ., Do you have this...) It was somewhat sweet. And I almost felt like a child as he walked through my house, I scurried behind him like a child waiting for approval for a job well done. The baby (who is 20 months old now) was still awake and just looked and smiled at him. It truly warms my heart to see him interact with him, on any level. He tries up hold her, but she still resists. While he is here, playing with her, I am blissfully content, but also very thrilled he is not her fulltime parent. I have VERY strong ideas of how my child should be raised, and he does too. We don't see eye to eye on everything.
 
He catches me off guard and asks me who else I have been fucking. I quickly reassure him, he is my only man. And I believe that to be so. He is the only man in my life, who I love, and who I make love to. He is the man I give my entire self to, and need nothing in return. He is my only obsession. The other men I "see" are more like a necessity. I must use them for pleasure, because while making love with someone who can also call me a whore and make me feel that way is fabulous, I also need to truly be fucked by someone who cares little about me, who when he calls me a whore he means it with almost a thread of hate in his voice. And while D does do this at times, it is still not the same. It is just diffirent. It is an addiction, I know. I feel very guilty about choices I have made and I have I really been able to be faithful (if I would have but some effort into it?) Maybe I am just thinking too hard on all of this. For me as he and I and our child sit on the couch together talking there is an almost surreal feeling about what is happening. It is hard to believe, that I have managed to pull all of this chaos off, and come out feeling quite well. Do you see how he crossed over the line. He is no longer "just dick", I can not even pretend, and with his crossing, I needed to fill the void.
 
I am still surrounded with mass disorganization at my house. My computer lacks a desk at the moment which is causing my hand to crap as I type in this tortuous position.

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