I have been doing more masturbating then anything these last few days. I truly have lost my desire that i had the previous week, and have stalled here in a "leave me alone" I can fuck myself type of mood. Men have really wore me down to a point I just dont care. Like the excuses, the demands, and special requests. I cant be bothered. If I can just masturbate then I dont have to speak to anyone. There has been a few times over the last few days where I have been wanting some nasty slut treatment, but those have been too intense to wait for anyone to abuse me, thus the these slut in need moments are only fleeting. Last night was one of them. It all started in the hot tub, that thing is very exciting for me. I went inside and found some porn  and got down to it. Now I watched it for a half hour and came about 15 times, but the porn was making me a little digusted. It was 4 black men, with big dark black dicks fucking this blonde girl. It was kind of gross to see all those bare dicks in and out of her pussy all taking turns. It was shocking to me that this was my reaction, because yes I am the girl who has enjoyed many all black gang bangs (none raw though), all in all though, it left a feeling of disgust with me.
 
Anyhow I feel like I will be hanging out by myself for a  week or two until something changes.

 

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I have this ongoing image and feeling pulsing through my body these last few days.  I have thinking about this one guy I had been seeing. I like to use condoms, and were faithfully doing that. This one night the sex was like amazing. To put it in perspective for you, my girlfriend once asked me how the sex was with him and I said "Well it is food, but it more like a frozen dinner, not a gourmet meal". But this particular night i was totally into him. It was lustful and close, we were sweating and groaning. He came in the condom as he always had, and I actually said to him to pull out carefully because I could feel something was a mis down there. He pulled out as we both looked down and saw his dripping wet dick with the condom shattered and hanging on to the bottom of his dick.
 
I instantly got this feeling real low down in my guts, it is a sinking, scared, ashamed feeling, makes you kinda of want to vomit. He came so much as I stand there naked and stunned the cum was dripping down my thighs. I started to cry, because I knew I was ovulating, and I did not ever want to have this guy come in me. I barely like D coming in me now after five years. It is a mental thing. There is no questioning whose pussy it is when his cum is dripping out of it. I went into the bathroom and washed my cum filled pussy, as I cried. Yes it made me cry, it was like a real just been raped feeling, such a violation to come in my pussy with out my permission. I ended up having to go to the doctor the next day to get all my std test and the plan B emergency contraceptive.  After I got my tests back and all was cool, I needed his dick and his come. I  wanted him to come in me over and over again, Lots and lots of cum. In my face, my hair, my pussy my tits... I would beg him to come over and we would almost make love and he would come in me each and every time, giving me that same intense feeling.  The next time he came in me, i grabbed his hand and had him finger me with all this cum dripping all over my pussy.
 
It is that feeling that i have been feeling lately, like when i fuck I can feel my body opening up to take all the dick i can get. It is so fucking primal.
 
On that note i have got to get some rest, been a busy week. Hope to have some pics soon... and send me an im on yahoo... so i can invite u when i go private.

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I am feeling so manic these last few days, more like 10 days. I have not been like this in a long time, but anyone who has seen me lately knows that there is something diffirent with me. I feel like I want to be the nastiest, filthy, slutty whore there is. I am craving cum all over me. There is times my eyes tear up thinking about how bad i need the dick in me. I have not felt this bad in like at least 5 years. It is a mess. And I sware as soon as I feel like this the dick is gone. Any other day of the week i got people begging to fuck, now I want they are like " oh so it is all about you". And we all know it is all about me.

I feel like i have a lot to say but I am in a period of transition/uproar in my life and I am actually thinking of making my blog private. So please IM on yahoo, or leave a note to let me know you would like to be a private viewer of my blog. I feel if I make it private I will feel more open to say what i want. I love my blog and the feedback I get from it, but sometimes it is too much to hear shit from people who know me and read it. Again send me your requests.