And so it begins to creep slowly back. I noticed the other night, some feeling, just a little urge. Yesterday I was out and would feel a little bit aroused as I looked at some of the men around me. And today, the smell, I could smell the men around me, like a room full of flowers but it was men in the air and I loved it. Now I want some dick, after almost 3 weeks of solitude, I am ready and no one else is. Like always right.I hope this feeling lingers a bit as I have missed people.
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I am a little ashamed to even say this, but I feel like I am more into the touching then the fucking lately. While rough fucking will always be an instant pleaser, I notice lately that when men touch me I enjoy it, before I did not even notice it or I frustrated by it before. It seems like I used to not need that kind of physical touching, I just needed big dick in me, but now I just want to touch,and hug, and shit even kiss. Even as I type I feel so boring. Like when did I become "the typical mother" shying away from quickies and fucking and holding out for love making.

Maybe it is inevitable or maybe just another passing phase.

I rarely ever shave all the way. Like Bald is a feat I just do not have time for at this time in my life, and I love my body too much to wax it, as there are millions of horror stories of people contracting herpes and other horrid things from the wax, and I cant imagine that pain being good pain. When I was "in the lifestyle" all the men shaved and I kept it up too, but now my life was much less active things are just different. The men I have sex with may trim but that is all. I dont have a problem with that at all, sometimes i even like it. makes things all that more organic. I have noticed that each and every time I have sex (with or without condom) I find his hair in my pussy. Nothing says you have been used more then that

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Intimacy

As soon as I take a few weeks from blogging, I do get quite a few requests to continue. I know that there has been people reading this private journal of mine faithfully for a while now.  And I am still just as excited by it as I was in he beginning. Been a very uneventful couple of weeks for me. I have a new computer now, which I am totally excited about, and hope to be able to do some more stuff in the way of posting videos. On a down side, i have seriously lost all my old porn of myself from back in the day. Like 10 years of me fucking is gone. Somewhere in the move it all got misplaced. I am still looking for it all the time, but it maybe gone for good.

I am beginning to feel more nervous about my privacy online. As I say " I have no shame in my game" but I do feel like there are some little details I would prefer to keep to myself or rather tell everyone but not know that people who I tell and they not know me. 

A couple of weeks ago D came to my house and he got here earlier then I did, so he came in the house and got on the computer while he waited for me. Now I know D likes to get into my business, he is always snooping and looking, trying to catch me doing something I should not. After I got home I walk in to see him on my messenger. That bothers me. That is suppose to be my space. I dont even like my husband on my computer. Searching my phone is one thing, and my house too, but dam in my computer, that shit has to stop.  he was over the other day and as I was putting the baby to bed he was looking around on the computer... and the more nervous I get the more he pays attention to me. 

When he came over the other day, I was sick. Like seriously had a bad cold, did not want to move and he was like I need to come down tonight. So I reluctantly agree  - as if no would be an option. We are laying in the bed after we fucked for a while and i have my head resting on his belly while I half heartily lick and suck his dick, while he falls asleep with is fingers in my cunt.  We just slept like that it was hot. All was the same as it always is, but this time I was able to say somethings. He has always liked me to say "dirty" things but I have Never been able to do that. I am starting to loosen up in that area, which i think everyone appreciates. The best part of the night for me was he went and showered and got dressed, while I laid on the bed with my legs spread, just enjoying all his cum all over my body.  He came back in the bedroom grabbed his empty beer bottle and fucked me with it. It was nice, and he is like "Dam i need to fuck you again" and pulled it out and fucked me again. Nice. 

I noticed too that part of me craves some intimacy when I fuck now which I do not love. It is like my body needs to be touched liked that. I hate that I want that or need that, but when I get it is like in my head I hear "Hallelujah", and my eyes tears up, my body has been starving for that kind of attention. That and I need my nipples sucked on. Like sucked on. I need like an hour session of someone sucking my nipples and my pussy, so they get swollen. Shit I dont even need dick necessarily just suck my tits please. 

L been awhile since I posted about him. I saw him recently too. He blindfolded. I have not been blindfolded in years. I liked it. It plays all sorts of mind games on you. He put his dick in me and I was worried about the condom, because i could not see and i did not hear him or tell if he put one on.  That was hot. I liked that.  I have not had this kind of sex or relationship in so long.  Maybe it is hard for me to figure it out now. Like the concept of just being someone's whore it is all too much for my mind to dictate today, but it all feels so familiar to me but I am nervous in his presence.