Last night I was actually in the mood to get fucked and had the house to myself. Yeah!! L came over, he fucked me in the basement. I liked that every time I go to do laundry I can look over and think of him fucking me there. I still feeling like my game is off. I just dolt feel like I am as good at this fucking thing as I used to be. I need to get some advice from people I fuck on the regular but I do think something is different. I think that is what holds me back from fucking like I used to. That and i am really hating my body. Which is weird because I could never-have cared less in my life about that. But all of a sudden it is like a problem for me. I am ashamed of myself which most likely is the whole problem. L fucked me and came all over me and came again all over me. As I lay there on the basement floor covered in his cum,I was reminded of how fucking good and necessary sex is. I have forgotten a lot because I barely do it anymore. 

To the comment Re: Photos... 

I would love to but D is not real into that, he has like no attention span to be bothered with a camera he just wants to fuck me. And if someone else is there, he wants them involved not snapping pics, and he knows I will post them online and he is not all into that either. I have some pics of L and me but when time is short no one care about photos it is more about fucking. Young boy is the only one who LOVES to snap pics and will stop fucking me to get the good shot lol.... have not seen him in forever... but when i do there will be some pics 

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I wrote this like almost a month ago but it got lost somewhere in cyberspace and just came back to me,,,saying it never posted. 

 

I saw D the other night. I was almost excited to see him, since it had been so long, but my sex drive still not quite where it used to be. He drove down and got there before me. He goes in the house, and that makes me sweat a little because I was not expecting him and I did not know if there was any incriminating evidence laying around my house. I raced home and into the house and took a deep breath or relief when i see my computer was still off.  The computer is like pandoras box and I should password the damm thing but i hate feeling all fenced in and restricted. Odd that I like it during sex but know other time. I find him laying on my bed watching tv. I am sure he took a minute to look through my drawers as he always does. The room smells like him when I walk in. Not sure what that smell is but it is good. We talk a few and he plays with the baby for a few minutes and then I put her to bed. I come back and we just do it like we have a thousand times before. He stands up and strips and lays on my bed legs spread and waits for me to take my place on his dick. I sucked his dick so good. Like I was loving it. It was huge and rock fucking hard and he was groaning and was surprised by the way I grabbed him with the lust, but the second i got my hands on his dick i was in love with it again. The best moment of sex for me is always the very first time the dick pushes into my cunt and the muscle ache from the stretching. It is those first few strokes after the first that make me feel like a child almost, as the man slowly slides it in and out, getting his dick wet and looking at me and i feel almost ashamed of being the whore who is letting his dick slide up in my body. I am starting to feel more like myself. 

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Oct. 31

 

I was reviewing my calender and see that the last time I have had sex was Oct. 31, that is just dismal. I have been struggling all month to keep my head above water, in the sense that I feel so depressed. It aggravates me that I cant fix it, as hard as I try, I am trying to hang on here, but if anything good pops off I will be sure to announce right away. This has been going on too long. 

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