Okay but back to the point I was talking to him the other night. (or rather chatting) and he said something to remind me that he was my "master" and I was reminded of the movie Labyrinth ( one of favorites) when at the end the girl says " You have no power over me" and then her nightmare begins to crumble. And I said that to him, jokingly, but that is how I feel not only about him about but about my own demons.
They have no power over me. My mind and body control my choices at one point. My spirit was a slave to this intense addiction to sex and pain and need to feel used. For so many years my relationships were based on how much sex I could get, and how intense did it feel, and how did that person make me feel. It felt so good to not let it have power over me, and that I make the choices I make now from my desire not my addiction or the feeling that I can not breath with out the intensity and abusive submission.
Just feels nice not to be at someone else's mercy and still be able to have pleasure sex!
Update - D has not called, starting to let it go. And I am sure when I am fixed up and let it go he will come back through reeking havoc through m life like so many times before.
Checking my stats, seems like a lot people reading - let me hear your thoughts... Please.