Guess Who is Back

So D called me. Friday Morning, but I missed his call. Saturday Morning I got it and when he said hello I could not speak. I was pissed and in awe, and he was like " what are you doing tonight"? He asked me who I have been fucking and then there was silence... and I laughed a little and said we will talk about it later. After a few more questions and what not the plan was set. I was rehearsed what to say to him all day. I wanted him to know I was mad and I was hurt and more then anything I missed him and was so worried about him, but when I saw him a lot of that went away. At the end of the of the day when he was next to my body nothing mattered. We did talk about things and sometimes I need to learn to accept what he says to me. I have never caught him lying to me and even things I thought he lied to me about when I did a background check on him it turns out he did not. So let me stop feeding into all the bullshit others tell me and just go with what I know I feel.

So the now the good stuff. He comes in, asks why I am wearing glasses, put his things down and strips down naked and gets on the bed and says he has missed my blow jobs. I resist just a little feeling like he is almost a stranger to me. but give in and we fall into out dance. The same ebb and flow we have done a hundred times before. I feel like my body does not know how to react to this anymore. I was so starved for this mans touch. I got on top, which I generally hate, but he likes. I like the faces he makes as i grind on his dick. That look on his face make me go faster and harder. I love it for that reason.

Overall I feel complete now, like i can breath again.

Late Night

I need to be fucked. I need it, like I need food and water and air. My schedule does not allow me to always get it. I wont die without but I dont feel good without it. So I got up at midnight and let him in my front door. Sleepy eyed, wearing a nightshirt,no panties, and holding a condom in my hand I walk to the couch and lay down and clearly project the message of fuck me now and let me get back to sleep. In the darkness, he made me cum with his fingers, then I told him to put the condom on. This was not even about pleasure. It was about getting through the week with out feeling like you were going to loose control. He was bigger then I remember and I was pleasantly surprised, but after like 10 mins I asked him to cum, and "let me go back to sleep". And I just as swiftly ushered him out the door and went right back to sleep. AHHHHH perfection. I woke relaxed and refreshed. If only I can swing that every night.

I have been so emotional lately. Crying at songs on the radio, crying at pictures of my daughter, crying at anything. ...craziness.