I feel like I do this every year...but I could be just mis-remembering too, but time to take stock of what I am thankful for today.
First, I am thankful for the health of my family. My children (despite some major health changes for my daughter) are doing very well. Are there things we are working on - FOR SURE! Thing like feeding therapy, anxiety, insomnia, chronic head pain but we are all able bodied and able to travel and play and have fun. This includes my parents and sisters family and my aunt. All of my people.
My own struggles have always been being overweight and mental health. And this year has been good for my mental health. I have never felt more content and peaceful with myself and my own company than I have in this year. I just took my kids to one of the water parks in the Poconos, as we go every year during this time. And there were years I went with my parents and those were good. It gave me a lot of time to play with my kids and they were younger and it was good. I have went with just JF and the kids and I think the last 3 years it has just been me and the kids. This year it was just me and the youngest two as the oldest did not have off school and did not want to miss anymore school since she has missed so much due to her health issues. So me the 5 year old and the 10 year old. I did not once feel lonely. I did not wish for one second that there was someone else there with me. I really enjoyed the time (as much as you can enjoy an indoor water park with two kids). Years past I would watch the couples. I would watch their dynamic and tone and body language with one another. This year I was blissfully unaware of any of that. I just did not care about couples or having a partner. I was at peace and I happily played and hung out with my kids and when they played nice with each other I happily sat back and took in the joy of these wonderful little people I have made.
The overweight part I struggle with. I do worry about my health and that is my real concern but I am not making headway in that area. But I am grateful that I love my body and it does not dictate to me what I am going to do. Be it group sex, or porn videos, or spending the day walking, or doing intense physical labor. I am still able to tell my body what we are going to do and I am grateful for that.
Second, My Home and My Car.
My home and my car bring me so much peace. My home is simple and fresh and it feels the exact way I want it to. I am grateful when I come home I smell nothing but fresh air and even when my house is cluttered with the objects of life it still always feels clean and fresh to me and I love it. I love my whole bedroom and walking closet that is just for me. I love the that my bedroom does not remind me of JF or D or any other man who has been in it. It just always centers me.
My car - When my other van was stolen earlier this year I was devastated and struggled in this market to find any car at all but I researched and researched and made a choice that everyone was a little unsure of and I had to do A Lot of work to get the car from several states away but I got just what I wanted and it has been my most favorite car of all of them I owned. It brings me a lot of joy.
Third
I am just grateful for the over all low drama factor in my life. I have been listening to a lot of true crime podcasts lately and each time I wonder how people get saw twisted up in these crazy situations. I have even seen it in my own family, my extended family. There lives are so chaotic and full of stress I dont know how they can keep up that energy. For me my meds help tremendously with keeping my eye on the prize in life. I know more than anything I want peace and contentment over everything else in my life and it really helps me weed out the nonsense....
And that brings us to the nonsense - D.
I would not say that I am grateful for D, his dick maybe but not for him.
Since I last post, I dont think I have even seen him. He has had a set back with his physical health and then he was in a car accident at work and was injured. And then he said he was coming and never showed up or called and then he did that again. He called me 3 times in a row Tuesday and I let it go to voicemail. He knew I was away with my kids, or maybe he did not listen to me or maybe he forgot but I dont know why he thinks that he can demand my attention whenever he wants. I did call him back but it went right to voicemail. So I have not talked to him. Part of me worries what if there was an emergency and he was calling me 3 times in a row because of that but I cant live on D's time. D is really a good dick and I need to keep him in his lane of being the good dick and let the rest go.
To that end, I am thinking about expanding my team. Right now neighbor is the only one fucking me. And frankly I am content with that for right now. I always go back to the same thing I just want to be fucked and left alone to do my thing and raise my kids. I dont have the patience for men and their shenanigans.
