Covid finally got me over the holidays and they got both of my youngest. It was a miserable holiday and very lonely. But I am back up and going and thought I would check in.
The Neighbor
I know I have talked about this before, I think here, but I feel some kind of weird obligation to satisfy his needs. I am not really wanting to see him because I am really content with just seeing D but in the back of my mind I was feeling nervous to tell him that I did not want to hook up because I did not want to disappoint him. I finally mustered the courage to tell him and I felt so relieved. I hate this conversation because I know that there might be a time in the near future where I want his dick so I want to keep him (and the others) distant enough that I dont have to provide social upkeep but close enough that they would not turn me down when I want to fuck. When thoughts like that come from me I worry that I am some sort of narcissistic asshole but I still sleep at night. I think I am a good balance of the good with the bad.
D
D has been calling and more attentive and it has been nice but also super weird. My habit is not to talk to him daily so when he calls to check in and see what's happening I find it slightly awkward and it is at the tip of my tongue to be like "what do you want"? I play the game I let myself fall into it a little bit. I am cautiously allowing myself to invite him into my daily life. I for sure am always surprised though every time he calls for one of these what's happening calls.
Yesterday was the first time he has been able to come see me. And I had projects for him. I needed help with something at the rental property and I need a new vanity top and faucet put in my bathroom and I needed my bathroom walls repaired in several spots and there is a curtain rod that fell down in the hallway and I had new bathroom hardware for him to put up. Ever since he fixed my garbage disposal happily and did not make me feel like a nuisance or like he did not want to do it ...I feel more comfortable asking him to do things for me. When I told him all the stuff I needed help with he did not complain at all and replies with "no problem".
I had a birthday party with the kids at 10 so he came down and got started and went to the rental property and took care of the issues there and then he came to the house and started on the bathroom. I dropped my kids off with my parents and headed home to find him at work in the bathroom. All I can do is smile. It turns out that the faucet I bought did not have the right size deck plate and I needed to stop and pick up a different one. Just from my experience with other men I was expecting him to complain about that or something but he did not. He just did the work he could while he waited for me to bring the faucet. After it was done he cleaned everything up and took the trash out and started to take of his pants. We did not have time for the wall repair because it was already 1:30 at this point and I knew my mom would want me to pick up those kids asap. I could not have cared less about the fucking wall because the entire time he was working I was just thinking about how much I wanted him inside of me.
And we fucked like we always do and it is good as it always is. We spend sometime talking and have a really good connected conversation. We talked about cheating and why men and women do it. He said men do it because they are not getting enough at home and very purposefully let him know that I do it because I dont feel connected to someone. I dont know if he picked up the nuances of what I was saying but I was in my own way telling him not to break the connection.
He made me get on top, which I hate. I am much better with it now then I was in the past. There was a time in my life where I would just refuse and I dont think I have ever been on top with more than 2 other people. I will do it now and I like it but I find it difficult to find my rythm and where I should put my legs. And when I do find my rhythm I get very into it and he loves it but it very quickly because too intense for me and I dont like that I am focusing on my own pleasure at that moment. It feels unnatural.
We were done it was time to go and he said "one more time are you ready" to which I replied " I am always ready" and we fuck and it feels like he is ready to come and I feel a sense of relief because frankly my pussy could use an ice pack, but he does not come. This happens 6 more times. I dont know if he was doing it on purpose because he was not done fucking or if he could not cum. The last time I was focusing hard to make sure I did not disrupt the flow. I was pulling out all the stops and then when I felt his body tighten I did not move a muscle and let him guide what he needed. FINALLY we had success. That shit is exhausting. I hope that was just a him wanting to fuck more thing and not a sign of things to come.
It was a very satisfying afternoon. I feel very content with thing at the moment. It is a good place to be.
Oh and he left all of his tools here. In fact he said "just put those wrenches down stairs" which means in the basement with all my other tools. Are we co-mingling tools now? This is a new level commitment.
