Unexpected

 D said he was coming down yesterday about 1ish, after his immigration appointment. I liked this idea. I was not particularly in the mood to spend an entire day fucking but I thought 1pm would be great because I could get some stuff done, cook for the kids, take my time to get ready. I got up at 7am. And I cleaned the kitchen and downstairs up. I was in my pajamas and I had not brushed my teeth or even fixed my hair from sleep. I need to wash my pussy and my daughter says "D is here". I say "No he is not" and well in he comes. I liked being caught off guard in a way but I was a little worried he was not going to let me shower before he fucked me.

I did take the time to shower and we finally made it to bed. His immigration appointment went well and things are moving in the right direction and with a little luck his temporary green card will be in his hands next week. 

Sex was good, as it always seems to be, but he fucked me for a little bit and then took his dick out an rubbed very softly on my pussy and then my ass. And then just push it in my ass just enough I could feel it and kept it moving. This (on this day at least) was the magic word for me to do anal and not be in pain. He kept rubbing his dick over and over my ass  and pussy each time with just a little more pressure on my ass until it just slid in. Now it hurt for a about 30 seconds but then I was like yes! I was on my back he was on top of me. I could hear him breathing and me breathing and him stretching my ass. He would have this look of such pleasure on his face when he turned his head and got into a rhythm of fucking me. We eventually moved back to regular fucking. Then back to anal again. This time I found myself asking him to push it in deeper as it made me cum. Sometimes I cant believe that I can like anal so much. But when it is not the right day for it...it is really not the right day for it. He should take my word on it when I say I dont want to. There is always good reason. On the days I want to and he puts some time into prep I was able to make him happy. 

We take a break. We hang out with the kids, I feed everyone and we eventually make it back upstairs. Now remember we just had anal twice. I said to him I needed break and to let me go to the bathroom before we fuck again. I just wanted to be sure things were right. Well we are fucking and he is trying to make me squirt and I am trying not to because when you squirt your body just does what it is going to do and I was afraid I would shit on him. So he keeps wanting to do missionary so he can suck on my tits. Which is great and I love that but his dick is in me, he is laying on top of me and all that is pushing  on my abdomen and I could tell something was going to happen. So while "shit on him" is not exactly what happened there was some brown staining on the sheets. He was surprising less cool with then he was the last time. He was like Party is over. He was not mad he was like I just dont want to fuck right now. Which is wild to me because last time this happened it was WAY worse and he was like whatever. And this man has never cared if I vomitted on his dick, if I was sick, if I had showered... he just never been real fussy. But something about this day took him back. 

We went outside on the porch and just sat and talked. We ended up talking about 2 and half hours. And it reminded me so much of the early years where we would talk for hours and hours in the car as we laid naked and fucked and talked. He told me lots of things. 

First, I cant remember the context of the conversation but I said something to the affect of "I think I deserve some credit for being your ride or die bitch for the last 20 years" to which he said you have been my number one and will always be. I hear this and I think is this really happening. I just want to stop and hear all the things that he says but I get stuck on did he just say that for real? Is it real? Did I dream that? Is he acknowledging that I am his for the rest of his life. It meant a lot to me. I am not sure I am doing it justice because I can not remember what came before or after those few lines because I was just stunned. 

He shared something about his mom and some reason on why he could have some mommy issues. We talked about he early years in the country and all the jobs he has had and all the things he has done. We talked about us and intertwining our lives together and more in detail of what that looks like and how that will be happening. 

He finally says, I want to fuck you again. And we head upstairs. We were having some hot sex. The two hour break did us some favors. He was fucking me and asked me if I wanted to taste my pussy on his dick to which of course I do. I go to suck his dick and I am sucking it like a fucking porn star.  I  know this shit looks hot and he is not able to control his moans, I just here him getting close to orgasm and I deep throat it and he cums in the back of my throat. His dick was just throbbing in my mouth. It was incredible. Then he pulls me right to him and push his dick right back into me. I motion to him that I dont want to swallow the cum and he tells me to spit it on his dick. And I happily do. He loves that shit. I give him head a for more minutes before we are fucking again like to animals in heat. 

We talk a little bit more before he goes. About my ex. He was getting frustrated about that situation and I dont know why. It does not frustrate me. Im not sure what is going on there. Yes JF has done things to hurt me emotionally, financially but everyone makes mistakes. I still love him, he is still a man I created two lives with and I want the best for him and if I can I will help him. If I love someone enough to share my life with them for 10 years and create kids then I dont just shut the love off. And there is no problem with that. He actually left kind of miserable from that conversation. It was a weird end to the day. 

I felt good though, I learned a lot of D's hardness and where it comes from. There is no changing him but understanding the meaning of certain things to him has helped me understand why he does the things he does. 

 D came down like he was supposed to on Friday. I was surprised that he followed through again. We had to do some work (more like he had) at the rental property. He got there at 11. He walked in while I was doing the dishes so I did not hear him and he startled me. We went to my parents house to get the ladder we needed and then we headed to the property, did the work and then back to parents and back to the house. I swear it took like 3 hours. I was feeling to impatient. He was supposed to come earlier and he did not want to fuck before we left. I know why - once he gets his dick sucked he is no good for work. This is when he redid that room on my house it took so long. He offered me the dick before we went but I declined because the rental property upkeep is important to me. And he is the only person that helps me with that. 

He chatted up my Mom while we were there and then my mom asks us what we are doing for the rest of the day. I say nothing. He repeats me. Why does my mom always ask questions she does not want the answer to. We were going to fuck for the rest of the day, of course. We never do anything else. Fuck, Eat, Sleep, sometimes work.

Sex is good. There was a lot of panting from us both. I said to myself "why is sex with him so fucking good". Even when it is not good it is good. I felt like my oral skills were lacking, not that he said anything but my jaw was sore and I just feel like it was not my best. 

We start playful talking about fucking someone else. It is something he likes to fantasize about. It is always people we know, I prefer to think about strangers. We end up getting heated, or at least I do. He says you always fuck better when you are mad. He did make me so mad and he was right, the sex was better after that argument. 

it was 6:30 and I wanted to ask him what time he was leaving but I felt bad and that it would defiantly come off the wrong way. I was done having sex. My pussy was raw and swollen, it was just time to do other stuff. And my kids were home and needed my attention and food. And I just needed a little bit of alone time. Like 9 hours with him I just needed to be alone. It is not just with him, it is him on me, in me, talking to me. And for the record I need alone time from my kids. Every single night. I revel in my time alone when no one is touching me or talking to me. My kids are high touch kids. If they are close enough to touch me then they are. They touch my hair, hug me, lay on me, rub my arm, sit so close to there is no space to move. I really doubled down on not repeating the cycle of no loving touch in my family but I may have taken it to far. To be fair earlier in the day I could not get enough of touching D. Holding hands with our fingers intertwined, laying my head on his chest my my arm draped across his belly, him laying behind me it all felt so good until it did not. And then it was really too much. 

He talked about coming back today. And I was all for that but lets be real, neither him and I have funds for him to drive back and forth everyday. We have to time it out for maximum satisfaction. We talked today about Sunday, but even with that I feel like I will feel bad ignoring my kids for a whole day.

Feeling all the feels

 NJ Submissive Girl is feeling in love. I can not take it. I feel so in love with D I just sometimes need to say it out loud. I need to just revel in the bliss of feeling connected to him and being part of his life in a way that I have wanted to be for the last 20 years. I feel like I have been playing the long game and I am finally winning. I am almost to the finish line, I can see it coming and I am feeling the intensity of a 20 year pregame in my soul. 

D was trying to come down last Friday and Sunday but he could not come until later in the day and then he has to be back. ( I think we talked this before but he watches his brothers kids for him a lot). His brothers are good to him so I understand him wanting to keep his commitment. D and I had this really good conversation about what we should do. From an outsider point of view it would just be an adult conversation but to me it meant so much more. We made a choice together based on what was best for both of us. He made sure I was not too disappointed and I made sure he would not be too tired driving so much and in the end we decided that we could wait until Sunday. 

Sunday came. He was running later than he would like but he was on his way. He said he could only stay until 5. I said with a very strong attitude "why", he snapped back at me. It made me cry. There are some other details I am leaving out but the gist of it was he did not like my response and I did not like his. I cried while I sat on the porch and I called my mom and complained about everything. I sucked it up and took my kids to my sisters for the day. (a rare treat)

He got there before I got home and he comes in and I come home right behind him. I tell him I need a quick shower and he wait for me. He gets naked and lays down. I still am on this kick of enjoying sucking his dick.  I am feeling more empowered and I have been more vocal with him about the things that make it hard for me to do for a long time. 

As a public service announcement to men: When you push a women's head down on your dick while she is sucking your dick it makes it really hard to keep the pace and we are pushing back on your force and it makes our neck hurt really bad. D has stopped doing this since I have explained it to him. I sometimes catch him but I will move my head and get his hand off and then he is reminded and I can suck dick so much more freely.  

But moving on, D's dick was in rock hard condition. Something that has been a little be waning lately but it was good. Just like the old days. We fucked all the ways we do and he made a point to push his dick so deep into my pussy that I could feel the stretch from taking the larger girth and the base of his dick. We were so intertwined. We move so in sync with each other. It was just amazing. We fucked for two hours and he stands up and announces a 15 minute break. He asks me what I am going to do on break and I say barely have the energy to say "drink water and eat". I was starving. The sex left us panting and sweating. It was cardio for two hours. I ran downstairs and grab the only think I could think of that was quick, which was a waffle and bottle of water and waited for him to come back. 

The next 2.5 hours were also good but I was sore. This is one of those things that I can not wait for when he moves in. Sex one session at a time. Marathon sex is good sometimes and sometimes my body is up for it but sometimes it hurts when he has been pounding me for two hours. I would have liked to take a 3 hour break and come back to it but it was not in the cards for me. He did sleep for like 15 mins. He told me to suck his dick again and I did. He was very pleased with the way I was doing it. But I dont know what I was doing. He pushes me off of him and grabs my legs and spins me around and mounts me talking about "I have to fuck you good after you sucking my dick that good". 

We have this really good conversation while we are laying there in the afterglow. He talks about why he was so pissed on the phone earlier and all the things he was dealing with in that moment. It was just a really good connection. He has been really doing well in that department for like 2 whole weeks. That is good for him. I know there will be another dip in the connection but good god I am going to try to ride that wave the best I can. 

For now our plans is he will come back on Friday. We will work on the rental property and we will fuck for the rest of the day. 

Savoring the Moment

 It has been a long almost 2 weeks since I saw D. I was tense. I wasn't struggling with tension and I knew I needed some dick. He was not calling me. It did not bother me because I know he was stressed. He is STILL waiting for this letter from immigration and still can not go back to work until he gets it. 

I asked him when he called me to make plans for the weekend if he could help me at my rental property. There is a leak where the addition meets the main house and I needed it fixed and a little bit of drywall and installation replaced. He said sure without hesitation, for which I appreciated. I love this rental property but sometimes the stress of things like that gets to me. It is not hard work but it is work that I do not have the time to do. I could have pulled out the drywall and stuck my head in the attic and seen the leak but seriously I dont have the time or mental energy for that. 

Sunday rolls around and he is supposed to call me when he is leaving. He told me " I will be there as early as possible and leave about 7p". So in my mind that meant he would be there about 7am and I was actually looking forward to him waking me up with some dick. But as I woke up at 8:30 and he was not there I thought that was strange but I just moved about my day. I made some food, cleaned up and called him and he did not answer. I started to get mad and I did not want to feel mad so I took an edible and got the kids ready to go to the pool. I am on the way to the pool and he calls me and says he will be there in an hour. He had left already and had forgotten to call me, but was also later than expected. So I take the kids to the pool and swim for a bit and then leave the kids with my friend and head home. The edible is now starting to take effect, little by little, it sneaks up on me. 

D and I have some time to fuck and make as much noise as we want. I love this. Sometimes I just need to scream like I want to and grunt and that deep guttural moan. And he defiantly vibes with me when he starts hearing me groan or trying to talk coherently. 

Something has changed in my body that now I can take his dick better than I have ever could. I dont know why. I dont think it is his dick, I think it is me. But there used to be certain positions that I just could not do and have him fuck me hard but now it is just not like that. It is just good in every position and does not hurt. And as a result we get into these really rough sex session where I am on my knees face flat on the bed and he  grabs my hips and fucks me with such vigor I swear he is going to hurt something but it is just blissful. Its that hard thrust with that deep fuck - it is amazing. I like that position too. 

The edible is in full effect. After the fucking, I go to lift my head up and just cant. I feel like my brain is falling through space. It is a weird type for head high that happens sometimes when I take just a little too much. I just lay there feeling ultra relaxed and he slides my body over to his and puts his dick back in me. 

We fuck 3 times before we head to the rental property. He puts his dick in me and I start to cum. Almost immediatly. I came so hard he said he has never felt me cum that hard before and my pussy contract on his dick like that before. It must had happened like 5 times in a row. It was like my body was starving and as soon as I got the dick my body began to rejoice. 

 At the rental property he is so friendly and chatty with people. I am there holding the trash bags and laying down the drops clothes and handing him the tools he needs, making sure the ladder does not fall. My tenant does not quite understand our relationship. At first I think she assumed he was the contractor I hired but this time she said "so you guys have known each other awhile then" and I say "yes a long time" as I feel myself blushing. I almost want to say he is the man I was always meant to be with and who I have been love with for the last 20 years". But I just smile and continue to be his assistant. We get in the car and I take this time when I have him captive to talk to him about how much I am struggling with this lack of dick and communication. I told him he needs to bring me that dick at least 1x a week. That he needs to keep me in dick like it is his job, because it is. I told him that is "really a struggle not to have dick for like 10, 14 days or more. I hope he understood what I was saying. 

We have to go to home depot, and I find myself in the same Home Depot that we meant 20 years ago. I felt so nostalgic and peaceful for some reason. 

I find myself giggling a lot this day. I generally have a very giddy, happy reaction to the edible. When he was leaving he said he liked the experience of fucking me when I was just a little bit high. 

We head back to finish the work and he talks about fucking me in the shed. And he looks at me with this smile. Oh I love his smile. It is this mischievous grin that makes me melt. We do not fuck in the shed as it was too full but we finished the work and headed back to my house to fuck. We only got to fuck one more time and he had to go before the bad weather came ( he rode a motorcycle down). I thank him and tell him how much I appreciated his help today. This was hard for me to do. My fatal flaw is that when you fuck up I will crucify you with my words but when nail it I shy away from praise. I have to really dig deep to make those words of appreciation come out of my mouth. I know this was a big problem in my relationship with JF and my ex-husband and I am trying to do better. I purposely work on this with my children too. I dont know why it is just so much easier for me to communicate the negative. 

We talk about when we are going to meet again. I was waiting for my period and so it was likely going to be next weekend. I told him to check in with me, even if he was not feeling like talking. He texts me this morning. He says "Hi", I say "Hey", he texts the smiling heart emoji and I reply to the message with a heart. I am really in my car wondering if someone else has his phone. I mean that was my first thought. I sit with for a bit and feel like he did hear me about the checking in with me part and how I need to hear from him. I love him. I really love this man so much. I tell him I got my period so I will be ready for his visit on the weekend and he says "ok" and we leave it that. That is all I needed. 

In other news, in this recent dry spell when I was not seeing D for the last two weeks, I thought about asking the neighbor over. I hesitated because he just be running the streets too much for me. I am feeling like his is too risky for me. And this is not a judgement call it is just facts. He told me he was going to get STI testing again because he saw some random women who he fucked in the back of his car the other day. And what bothers me the most is that there are STI that will not show up on the work up they do for men but will for women (like trichamonsis) and then he may give it to me without even knowing. And while he says he will wear a condom.... in the heat of the moment him and I both have a problem wearing it. I hate condoms but I will use them. I have only had unprotected sex with a handful of people. While my body count is in the triple digits the men that fucked me raw is right around 10. 

So for tonight I feel so peaceful and content. I feel like D and I are on the right path for us and we are still very much connected. I just want to savor this feeling for as long as I possibly can.