Moving Day

 Im not sure where I left off but I did see D the weekend before Christmas. No complaints. It was all the things I needed it to be. We planned for him to come back that Thursday to finish the rental, but in true D form he did not call me after he left that Saturday. Sadly I was not phased. I was not irritated, I was not even surprised. I was like this is exactly what I expected. Fast forward to Christmas Eve.. I send a text. "I would like to enjoy my holiday without having to worry about if you are dead or alive". Crickets. Until about 11am on Christmas Day. It says "Im not sure if you will even get this... but Merry Christmas and I love you". So I am like he is not sure I am getting this.... is he in Trinidad? is he in a hospital with bad service? To me these were the only two options. Seriously I could not even entertain that is would be something more benign. I text him back that I love him to but where has he been. I dont here from him for awhile. He says his phone is not working and he is not sure if I am getting his texts. I text him again and he responds. So we start to talk. So he has been doing nothing his phone just is not working. In my head this could not have been the issue because surely he would have emailed me to let me know but alas he did not. He says to me if I am ready then he ready to move in. I say I am ready. He says he is ready. He said he is going to have a long commute until they transfer him down my way but he is willing to do it if I am ok with it. 

So I am skeptical. What made him ready to do this? What has changed? I know D moves at his own pace. A pace that is thoughtful and measured and does not react to urges. Did he get ready in his own time? Did I pass a test he was waiting to see? I want to know and I wanted to ask him but you know the phone issues and I want to really talk about that. But according to him he starts work on the 2nd week of January and he will be at my house. 

I dont quite believe him. I have not talked to my kids about it. But I am starting to let my mind wander. I am starting to let the fantasy overtake me. I am starting to think maybe this really will happen. And frankly it would be just in time because as 2024 began to roll around I was really thinking about ending things with D. I just did not want to be so lonely again all year, It is like physically painful to me and I just feel like I have given him enough time. And I just was ready to tell him I was going to start dating, actually dating other people. 

And it is 100% just like to D to come in with 1 second on the clock and be the hero. This is his way - always. 

With the thought of D moving in there is the thought that I won't see the neighbor again. Im a little sad about that because I really like him. It is not like our sex is great or anything but I really just like our interactions. 

Connected

 D and I have been going through it the last few weeks. His own personal short comings colliding with my own has made for some difficult days. I could not even bring myself to write about it because you have already heard it so many times. It is simply the most current version of bullshit and I did not have it in me to memorialize it here. 

I did see the the neighbor the other day. I just needed some dick. And I pretty much told him I just wanted him to fuck me from the back. This is all I want lately. I just want it from the back and I could do it forever. We did that and then he had enough of that and had me flip over. I do not love the openness and contact but I put up with up with it because what else can I do. I need what he has got but he rarely makes me cum. That day was no different but, at least by body felt the heat of a man on me and my pussy got stretched and filled up for what was a very short visit. 

D did come by today. I woke up at 530a this morning. And so I just got up and started my Saturday cleaning, wearing my pajamas and cleaning in solitude while my kids slept for another 4 hours. It was really enjoyable. I have really started to enjoy getting up early and having time before the house wakes up. D did not get here til about 11. He was  in a good mood today, which was a nice change of pace then his typical angst he has been in the last few months. I suck his dick in the same way I always do. I am starting to feel complacent in it, like I want to kick it up a notch but he seems to love it. So if it is not broken why fix it? But  at some point does regular dick sucking get boring? Maybe not because I never tire of a good dicking down. We are in a good flow. Not to acrobatic, not to athletic or Olympian style just a good pace of good fucking. I could not cum. I squirted several times but I did not get that orgasm I have been wanting the last week or so. I just can not get it. It was good and he was doing all the things but it just would not happen. We did anal for the first time in awhile and that was good and I like the connection that happens during that. I have to really communicate what I want and he has to listen to me in order for me to be able to keep doing it. 

We took a break and he installed a new faucet in my kitchen. I stand next to him and hand him each toll that he needs and anticipating his ever need. I like working with him like this. I like how are bodies touch, but not in a sexual way, like when I stand between his legs to reach the faucet while he is in the cabinet. The closeness and the way we touch alerts all my senses. Im ready to suck his dick while he works. 

We fuck some more and talk. I feel close to him without even trying and it all just feels easy. He did not stress me out today, I just wanted to be near him. At the end of the fucking I was ready for a nap. I was so relaxed. We spent sometime downstairs with the kids and then we hugged and he left. 

As I sit in my bed tonight I wish so badly I could have a bit of dick. Just one fuck and then let me sleep. This is what I crave. I want to be fucked and sweaty and full of cum and I want to roll over and go to sleep. I want to sit in that afterglow of sex and just let it be. 

This lack of connection I feel with him sometimes is when he puts his walls up. He does not even need to say it or acknowledge it but I see his behavior now more clearly. I have a hard time articulating what is happening because what is happening it an energy connection problem. He cuts his energy off from me when he is going through shit. I dont even know if he knows that he does that or would understand what I mean by that. Either way today was great connection. Fingers crossed it stays like that a while.