You know I had been keeping my phone right by my side waiting for D to call me not wanting to miss his call, as I was sure he would call. And in true D form I get into the shower and soap up to here my phone ring and I know it is him. I shut the water off and grab the phone and stand dripping and cold in my shower while we talk. We get through the initial hurtles that are there when this kind of argument happens and he says to finish my shower he will call me back in 15. I dont want to get off the phone but he reassures me he will call me back. I concede. I finish my shower with a lighter energy from just hearing his voice. He calls back. We get right to talking about the logistics of when I will get to see him and what our schedules look like. And then we circle back around to the last call where he hung up on me.
I felt like I needed to reminded him just how hurtful what he said was and he acknowledged but added "how do you think I felt, I was hoping to hear that you missed me, maybe you needed to see me but you just jumped right in on shit". This is 100% true. I did do that and I told him if he was checking in with me more often then he would not have me coming in hot like that because I would be talking about how I was feeling a little bit at a time and not all at once like that.
He did make a point to me about the tone in which I take with him sometimes. He has often complained about it but he has not articulated well what exactly it was, however, this time I made the connection. It is exactly the way my mom sometimes talks to my dad. She will talk to him like a he is a child but more importantly a child that she hates. They are in their 70s and she still does it, and to be fair he does it to her at times as well. If you can think of two of the most toxic, ill equipped people to have a marriage, 3 children and the stress that comes with that was my parents. That is what I saw two people who I knew loved each other talked to one another. I remember JF talking to me about how that's not good to talk to him that way. As much as I hate to say it he coached me a lot through that and helped me make sense of what a loving adult relationship looked like. I am not perfect and despite some self awareness and desire to treat people I love with more kindness I do default to this style almost bullying like behavior. Him pointing it out to me today in the calmness the distance gave us both helped me see that it is still something I need to be conscientious of when I talk about something that is a hot button issue for me.
At the end of the day, I love him and I did not want to cause him more stress but he also was not responding to my stress how I needed him to. Having said that, when I come to him and talk to him respectfully about how I am feeling he always responds positivity to that. He will sometimes say "its not a good time" and we will come back to it, but when we talk about it, he listens and he often apologies sincerely and will acknowledge the areas he is not great in and says he is going to make an effort to improve in those areas. I see all of that. He far from perfect but I am too.
He came down today. I have my period. To be clear it is the 2nd full day of my period. This was high flow day and I was shocked he chose to come down. I offered Sunday and he said he preferred today.
I had work to do and I had two appointments I was trying to keep up with today as well. When he came in I was in the kitchen addressing my work emails. We talked a few as I finished and we went upstairs. My house was all still asleep and it was just the two of us. I think it was 830a. We retreated upstairs. My bed a mess from sleeping he climbs in and we move together as we do. At first I think about my period a little or a lot as he slides his dick inside. It is wetter and some how it feels warmer and he does not miss a beat, I dont think about it again until I start squirtting and he finally finishes. He pulls his dick out as reminds me my pussy is bleeding as the white sheet has now a red wet spot and red splatters all over the bed from the squirting and fucking. I loved that he did not think twice about this. We laid together after this, he did not need the bed cleaned right away, it was just business as usual.
This acceptance of me in this state of bleeding turned me on. I wanted him more. I wanted to do nasty things with him. I wanted him to do nasty things to me. I was in a trance like state for the rest of the day really. In this really elated bliss of connection and trust. And what does that do to me. It makes me want to be a slave for your cock. I want your cum in my mouth and I was your cock in my ass and to give you the best head I can. And I did all those things. It was very hot. I was defiantly feeling it. We fucked for about an hour and half and I had to run out to a quick appointment and I came back and we found our place all over again. He would finish fucking me from behind me, us laying on our sides, and he would keep his cock in me after he came and about a minute later I would feel it coming back to life and the cycle began again. I love when his dick just stays in my cunt after we fuck. I dont ever want it to leave.
I did have this need for some pain and he was grabbing my breasts in a way that produces a good pain. They are so sore now and tomorrow I am sure they will be brushed and I will love it. I wanted more pain, I wanted my pussy stretched a lot, I wanted him to fist me. Fisting me while I was bleeding did seem like a long shot and I was right he declined. I just felt so animalistic. I was sucking his dick after he fucked me, sucking his cum up. I wanted him to fist me and wipe the blood on my body and fuck me some more. Im not sure what the blood does to me but it makes me feel so dirty and nasty.
We had a good day. We were talking a little on the porch before he left and I mentioned that we had a really nice day and he said yeah now dont fuck it up. He always says my mouth gets slick after I have had enough dick for the day. It is funny but it it true. I am real submissive until I am done with he dick then I get real bold.
I dont know where these real world issues are going to take D and I and what will the breaking point be between us. For now I am going to take a win where I can get it.